Letting go of Supermom

I thought I had already let go of the “Supermom” myth. I mean, I work part-time, so I set aside the myth, right? It turns out that I haven’t. I’ve only exchanged one vision of Supermom for another. I need to let it go.

I’m over here chastising myself because it’s back-to-school day for my kids and I feel like I didn’t do enough. There is unfinished laundry all over the living room, school supplies are scattered on the floor in another room waiting for backpacks, there are boxes of PTA stuff I need to organize, and then there’s the briefcase of work I didn’t touch all weekend. I’m a little extra tired because I waited until the absolute last minute—9:00 p.m. the night before—to go grocery shopping for the kids’ breakfast and lunch foods. I know I would have put forth more effort if the kids were younger. Teenagers know this school drill and can do their own part to be ready. Heck, it’s mainly their schedules that prevented better planning. But none of that stopped me from beating up myself.

After I got the kids off to school, I began scrolling through my Facebook feed, “loving” all the adorable back-to-school pictures being posted. Simultaneously, I felt envious of the photos of perfectly packed backpacks sitting neatly on sofas and photos of special back-to-school breakfasts. I was thinking to myself that I should have made sure the kids were more pulled together. I should have planned something special for breakfast. I should have remembered to take back-to-school photos before pulling out of the garage. As I drove to the office, I was thinking I should be more focused on work and should squeeze every ounce out of my abbreviated work day, considering I have to leave at 3:30 to pick up my youngest. I should have worked harder on Friday or over the weekend so my Monday would not be so stressful.

Now, I realize those thoughts are not so different from the Supermom image I had in my head as a young law student.

In law school, the thought of being a mother and wife was on the horizon, but distant. Having no clue about the realities of being a lawyer, much less being a wife or mom, I just assumed I would be able to do it all. I pictured my future self working full-time and raising a family in perfect harmony. Oh sure, there would be highs and lows, but it would be nothing this uber-determined woman couldn’t handle.

Reality was a wake-up call. (For more insight into my reality, see the last post about “Why FlexWork?”) Even in the face of my struggles, it was very difficult to let go of the image in my head in favor of finding a better fit for my family.

When I made the change to part-time, I had to keep my eyes focused on my toddler daughter. When I looked at her, it eased the feeling of professional sacrifice, and my heart soared to know I would have more time to spend with her. Fifteen years later, I still feel the same way. I’m glad I work part-time.

So I have to wonder why I am still clinging to a Supermom myth.

Right here and now, I’m going to set it aside for a moment and take stock…..When I look at my teenage daughters, I can see that they love and respect me. They’re proud that I’m a lawyer. Even though they may not want me around as much, they appreciate that I’m there. They know they can depend on me to either pick them up personally or find someone who can. They know I will volunteer to help with whatever extracurricular event or activity they decide to join. They know I’ll drop everything to help them in the event of an emergency, and that even if it’s not an emergency, I’ll do the best I can if it’s important to them. They are grateful, kind individuals, who are learning to be independent. We laugh together, and we talk about tough issues head-on. My husband and I have managed to cultivate stability and a sense of security, and that’s huge.

There are plenty of lawyer moms who achieve these things while working full time. That is spectacular!! However, I had to find a different path to meet the needs of my family and to keep my mental and physical health in check. I am a better lawyer because I’m a mom, and I’m a better mom because I continue to work as a lawyer. Clearly, I still have organizational and time management issues to address even though I have a flexible work schedule. But today, I’m just going to take several deep breaths and focus on the reasons I do what I do—my two precious daughters.

Is there something you need to let go of in order to flex?

Is there is an image in your mind that keeps you from making a change? If so, what does it look like? How could you change your perspective?

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